grandma shit on top of the toilet
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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