There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
