trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
