Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
