Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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