It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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