so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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