I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
