You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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