Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
