Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
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