The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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