Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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