It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
