she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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