My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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