fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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