It's like God shit irony all over that family
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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