Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
