so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
