ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
