I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
