I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
