Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
