Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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