This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We have started to decorate penises.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
