I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
