she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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