She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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