Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
