So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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