My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
i was born a porn star she said
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
