What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Can I color on your dick again?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
