dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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