I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Your cock deserves a montage
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
