I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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