dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
