I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I got chris browned last night
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
