and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
