I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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