You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
