I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
