I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
