i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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