he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
