Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
