so that wasnt chicken after all
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
