My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
You took a bar mat shot.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Randomize
