I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
