I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
