My Higher Power is John Stamos
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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