I puked a lego.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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