Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
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