I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
