White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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