Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
