there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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