You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i came on her dog
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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