dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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