My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
