My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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