Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me đ
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing âHappy Birthdayâ to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, âWhy didnât you sing along?!?â I responded, âI donât know him. I donât give a shit if he has a happy birthday.â
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