hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's the barista slut.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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