Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
zippers are such a cool invention
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
