I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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