I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
