final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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